Excerpt from "Meant To Be Journal"

Its taken me awhile to be comfortable in my own skin, though I can relapse occasionally. For years, the approval of others was my driving force. Like leaking sand from an hourglass, it was never enough. Once the approval and attention were gone, I began to feel empty. My value was ever changing based upon my latest approval rating.

Growing up, my self-esteem was very low and I didn't think I was worthy of love. Often I thought, "If they could see the real me, they wouldn't want to be around me." So I wore an invisible mask and pretended to have it all together when inside, I was falling apart. The thoughts in my head were so damaging I even tried to take my own life as a teenager. It was a huge wake-up call for help and I started going to counseling. The lies I believed about myself were being exposed but something was still missing. I believe it was incomplete because I was still living apart from God and His truth.

I had no doubt God loved the world, but I wasn't so sure He loved me. As I began to read the bible, I saw His love for me written all over the pages. This passage in Psalm 139:14-16 spoke to me so intimately, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

You and I exist because God wanted us to and because He loves us. God doesn't make junk. I like to tell my kids this but I need to hear it too. I tend to be very hard on myself! Even when we mess up incredibly, God still loves us and nothing can separate us from his love. "Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:39) "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" (1 John 3:1)

God's love sets us free. Free from sin, free from an unhealthy need for others approval, and free to be all we were meant to be. "It is for freedom that Christ set us free." (Galatians 5:1)

The song, "Meant To Be", is about denouncing the lies I've believed and taking a stand for who I am in light of God's truth. He loves me and I have been set free. I now choose to walk in that freedom and I pray you will too!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for loving me, faults and all and thank you for setting me free, through your son Jesus. I pray that I will walk in your freedom and know you more each day. Amen.